A Letter from Eros

A Letter from Eros

Dear one,

When you awoke, clear eyed, though with some of the pain not yet washed away by your tears, you asked me, “Why?” I replied, “There’s nothing like love to help you find your eros.” Then I winked and flew out the window. Your heart knew what I meant, but your mind was still confused, so I’ll explain:

I needed you to remember.

You came to your world perfect and whole, knowing your path, purpose, dharma, or contract—whatever you’d prefer to call it—and knowing that you are love. Then life happened and you forgot. You knew beforehand that this would happen, so you made an agreement with another—one who loves you beyond anything words can describe—that you would help each other remember that perfection, wholeness, purpose, and love. You sought my help in this as well, and as love is my domain, I was happy to oblige, even though I knew what it would feel like for you. I’ve seen it countless times, in infinite iterations across the eons, and while it’s always different, it’s also always the same.

The myths and stories paint me as mischievous and a bit of a troublemaker, which I don’t deny. But everything I do is done from a place of the purest love. So if you heard me laughing as I aimed my bow and arrow at your chest, it was only to keep from crying, because I knew what awaited you once I’d hit my mark.

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And I never miss. My arrow struck you square in the heart and you fell hard in love with someone you wouldn’t have expected to. A beautiful Other, the most fascinating person you’ve ever met, Divine perfection in human form: the Beloved. Suddenly, all of myths and fairy tales became real to you. You finally understood the love the poets and singers described. Life made sense in a way that it didn’t before.

Until it all came crashing down. The Beloved ran away from you, ignored you, persisted in some other relationship, wouldn’t believe you when you told them what you felt for them, or did any number of other things that broke your heart. You felt completely rejected, and more alone than ever.

But you always knew that love was real, even when everything about the situation led you to believe otherwise. Even when you were caught up in the stories your ego spun for you, your friends’ advice to “just find someone else,” and the seemingly endless confusion over how something that seemed so right could so utterly shatter you. That even from the depths of your despair, when you asked yourself, “Why this person?” you still loved them, and they still loved you. You’ve learned that only love is real—the rest is just illusion.

You know now that I never left you. Even though you didn’t see me, I was always there: In the way you felt when you held your Beloved in your arms, in the way you felt lighter and happier any time you talked to or heard from them, in the joy and completeness you felt at finally having found the “missing piece” of your soul. In your joy, you couldn’t hear me whisper that there never was a “missing piece,” but I didn’t expect you to.

I was also there in the darkness: The nights you spent crying, the days where everything hurt so much you wanted to die, the moments you felt so lonely that life didn’t seem worth living. In your suffering, you heard me suggest that your Beloved was reflecting qualities within your own soul that you simply hadn’t claimed yet—that all of those wonderful things you love and admire in that beautiful Other are in you as well, treasures waiting for you to find them. However, you didn’t believe me. That’s ok, I didn’t expect you to. I could have appeared to you, wings unfurled, bow and arrow in hand and told you, “The Beloved is a mirror, and you are in love with your own reflection,” and it’s likely that you still would not have believed me. That’s ok. I’m patient.

I knew you would eventually seek my help, and you did. You called to me, using one of the many names I answer to, and I responded. You looked more closely at your Beloved, finally seeing in them all of those qualities you’d not yet recognized in yourself. It has been my joy to watch you claim and integrate them, to cheer you on as you’ve become the best, strongest, truest, most authentic version of yourself. This is what I needed you to do, because you’ll need that open-hearted authenticity and strength to do what you came here to do. The world needs you to live your true purpose.

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So this was your initiation—the wound where the light came in. I’m sorry that it hurt so much, but I needed you to remember.

I needed you to remember what the circumstances of your life made you forget—the passion and joy that the pressures of daily life had beaten out of you, the gifts and talents dropped by the wayside in order to conform to societal expectations—these are keys to your purpose, and the qualities you admire in your Beloved were meant to wake you up to that, to help you find all that within yourself again. My arrow to your heart was the most efficient, effective means I had to redirect you to the path you chose before you came here.

Through loving this beautiful Other, you’ve learned to love yourself—in both your light and your shadows, learning to claim all the qualities within yourself that you will need to fully live your purpose. Now that you’ve done this, do you think I would let you walk alone? Through the unconditional love you’ve learned for yourself, you’re now better able to love the Other. You’re free now to love them as you love yourself: as one who is whole and perfect even in imperfection, whose light and shadow combine to make a beautiful work of art in progress, always in motion as you create the next adventure.

Just as I never left you, neither did your Beloved. This person was and is always with you. Together, you are greater than the sum of your individual lives. Instead of two, you are three—I am and always have been the third, the holder of the tension of opposites, the transpersonal love to guide you forward on your path.

My arrow to your heart is your exit wound, freeing you from all that no longer served you, all that kept you chained to an identity that conflicted with the truth of your soul. You saw me first in your Beloved, and then in yourself. And I, Eros, am simply one aspect, or facet of the the Divine. By seeing me in your Beloved and now in yourself, you are seeing the infinite Divinity and love that is within you and all others. This is what we needed you to remember.

With love always,
Eros

I leave you now to the stars

I leave you now to the stars

I leave you now to the stars
This coldest winter night
Far too long since I’ve seen your smile.
I’ll find you
Adrift on the sea of a dream
In the starlight
Made beautiful by the darkness.

I surrender my love to the heavens
This brightest summer day
Wishing you’d believed that it’s real.
You’ll find it
In the fire of the setting sun:
Civil twilight;
Broken embers, yours to claim.

I entrust you now to the angels
This turning of the tide
Knowing you believe in worlds unseen.
They’ll remind you—
Soft winds singing the truth
In the moonlight
As I turn to walk away.

For I cannot follow where you go.

From the longest, darkest night
To the longest, brightest day

Polaris,
Alpha Crucis.

Still…

I walk alongside you,
Hand in hand with Eros
As the sun sets;
As the sun rises.

Alone in the land without time
I kneel before your throne:
The Emperor, fixed in the heavens;
King of Night…

…and a boy
on a raft
lost at sea.

I leave you now to the stars.

 

© Amanda Butler

(Featured image found here)

Book Review – The Unseen Partner: Love and Longing in the Unconscious

Book Review – The Unseen Partner: Love and Longing in the Unconscious

It was a joy to write this review of Diane Croft’s beautiful book, The Unseen Partner: Love and Longing in the Unconscious, for the Jung Society of Utah blog. The book is a poetic documentation of her individuation journey. Highly recommended.

“I have again and again been faced with the mystery of love, and have never been able to explain what it is…For we are in the deepest sense the victims and the instruments of cosmogonic “love.””
– C.G. Jung

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The Unseen Partner: Love and Longing in the Unconscious is a poetic documentation of Diane Croft’s personal journey of individuation.

“In the center of my being, there is no external object of affection—no I love you—just love itself,” Diane Croft writes in The Unseen Partner: Love and Longing in the Unconscious. “This is transpersonal love, an ideal psychological state only temporarily felt.” In her book, Croft describes the journey to that center, guided by an “unseen partner” through automatic writing. Croft’s personal confrontation with the unconscious came in the form of poetry, fragments of which appeared each morning for three years. She “took dictation,” and then spent two decades making sense of the experience.

The Journey to the Center

The gods grew tired of waiting
and woke me from a heavy sleep,
not by shaking my shoulder
but by breaking my heart.

In the commentary for the poem above, Croft describes her life at the time as “out of balance,” relying too heavily on intuition and thinking as her dominant functions. “What “the gods” were attempting to do was to redirect my energies at midlife toward feeling and sensing.” Some form of heartbreak is often inherent in the individuation process, as a person finds that the ways of being in the world that had previously served him or her well are no longer working. “The individuation process begins with a psychological “death,” a descent into the unconscious, for the purpose of “resurrecting” that which was lost to consciousness, namely our connection to the life-giving aspect of the psyche,” Croft writes, while also acknowledging that “few people are willing to undergo the process of individuation because it’s so disagreeable.”

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The Silence by Johann Heinrich Fussli mirrors Croft’s feelings of alienation during parts of her individuation process.

Several poems and their commentary make clear that Croft often found the process quite disagreeable indeed. In a poem titled “Barren,” she describes the ““dark night of the soul,” where life feels emptied of psychic content and meaning.” However, by surrendering to the process through what she refers to as “conscious suffering,” she was able find greater acceptance of herself and her life. “Suffering—that painful feeling we all try to avoid—understood in the larger context, means a willingness to bear our own burdens in life, an acceptance of life as it is (a natural conflict of opposites) that takes on meaning when we attempt to balance it ethically.”

The Great Presence Within

For Croft, that attempt to find balance and meaning was a “process of searching…But what I seek has been staring right at me all along, which speaks to the reciprocal nature of an ego-Self reflection, i.e., seeing and being seen… From a Jungian point of view, the “game” is to redeem by conscious realization the hidden Self. This is not a passive game of the redemption of God through faith, but an active process of making conscious the Great Presence within, to seek and find our own true self.”

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The individuation process opens a dialogue between the inner and outer world. (Image: “Oak tree standing on lakeside with reed and reflection by Hartmut Josi Bennöhr.)

Through this process of creating a dialogue between her inner and outer worlds, and embracing her authenticity, Croft found that “there is love in the unconscious. But first we must make manifest and heal what has been hidden and ignored. How do we take part in this transformation? For the unconscious to become morally responsible, it must first be seen.”

Croft presents individuation as a journey of love: To truly see and heal these hidden and ignored aspects of ourselves, love is required. When we are able to accept and love our own shadow aspects, we are better able to love others in the same way. From there, we may access the type of transpersonal love Croft writes of near the end of the book, a love with no object, which, though felt only temporarily, has great power to transform. The purpose of the individuation process, as Croft describes it, is to lead us to that center of transpersonal love, from which we can truly be authentic.

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Croft selected images from Wikimedia Commons to accompany each poem. (Image: Jester reading a book.”)

Croft’s writing is clear and elegant throughout the book, offering an excellent description of what individuation is and how this experience can manifest. She makes Jungian ideas deeply relatable through the poetry and her commentary, which is rich with relevant quotes, particularly from Jung, Edward Edinger, and Rumi. In bringing her experience to consciousness with this book, Croft has made the unconscious morally responsible through love, truly a heroine’s journey.

One day this will end

One day this will end

One day this will end
and I will wake up with you beside me;
then fall asleep in your arms again at the day’s close.

Even though the idea of it
seems both as real and unreal,
inevitable and unimaginable,
as that of my own death;
sooner or later I know you will be here
beside me in the mortal world
(as surely as I know I must one day leave it).

I think of this and wonder:
What would I do with you
if you were here?

I would love you
fiercely and joyfully,
patiently and passionately
With all that I am
I would cherish every second I spend with you
and unabashedly enjoy your company
Simply delighting in you as such
Holding you close each chance I get
and then letting you go
With gratitude.
All the while knowing that
One day this will end.

So I will love you now
both light and shadow,
gold and darkness.
Just as you are.
Just as I am.
Just as if you were already beside me.
Because life is both
too long
and too short
to do otherwise.

That love will be the fire
to which I surrender all.
Burning away illusions
and lighting your way to my side.

Then we will walk together:
I as your constant,
and you as mine.
Equals.
Knowing that even though
One day this will end,
we will see each other again soon.

© Amanda Butler

Solstice

Solstice

That summer night, one June ago…
I was a fool.
Lost in enchantment
and talk of dreams in the firelight.
Smoke and mirrors.
Loving in absence
as the days grew shorter;
the shadows longer,
darker,
and colder.

Until the light returned.
Reflected back at me across the table
in talk of far away places,
plans and goals;
and in laughter.
As business became personal
but only for me.

Here in the light of a new June—
Clarity.
Mourning the loss of what never was,
missing the friend I thought I knew.
And now I remain:
both here and gone,
again and still the Fool.
Always
Walking the spiral alone
as the nights grow long once more.

© Amanda Butler

Finding Presence Through Meditative Movement

RemedyWave®, created by Shannon Simonelli, is a type of ecstatic, free form dance facilitated in a supportive environment.

“The class is an outgrowth of a lot of different kinds of training that I’ve had. I have a PhD in Imaginal Psychology and Creative Arts Therapy, which is very much about experientially-based work,” Shannon said. “I’ve studied over 1500 hours of authentic movement, which is a very body-based, meditative journey related to getting in touch with your inner imagery and inner truths in the body, and how that relates to your psychology and I am trained in 5Rhythms Movement Therapy and have dance therapy training.”

The dance portion of the class lasts for 90 minutes. Each class has a theme, allowing dancers to explore concepts such as “light and heavy” through movement. Participants can then discuss their experience and insights during the 30 minutes of sharing that follows.

I walked into the class feeling upset after a difficult day at work, and worried that I’d be too tired to get through it. However, I was pleasantly surprised that I had enough energy to keep dancing, and within the first half hour I was feeling much better.

During the class, I discovered that it was easier for me to be present, rather than obsessing over things that were bothering me. It was a relief to let go, follow the music, and do whatever felt good. I felt free and peaceful, knowing that it was safe to be authentic, which was a pleasant change of pace for me.

According to Shannon, my experience is common among those who attend the class. “People start to build the ability to be more present in the moment in their daily life. They feel a greater sense of connection with their authentic self, and to the courage to really be that. People feel more in their bodies, they feel more willing and able to take risks. It’s very healing and very fortifying.”

No dance training is necessary to join the class. “The class is more about what’s true for you, what feels good in the body, what you’re discovering within the directive of the evening,” Shannon said. “I’m interested in what awakens in you and what that means for you in your life.”

“New movers come every week, it’s a safe environment to try something new, and new movers are supported and welcomed,” Shannon said. “We enjoy having new people join us and the group is growing all the time.”

Join RemedyWave at Vitalize Studio Mill Creek 3474 South 2300 East Studio #12, SLC 7:30 pm.